Loss
My father died* in January 2002.
I often hear the phrase "life is not fair". Well, no one needs to tell me that. I already comprehend that way too well.
My anger, my feelings of injustice and unfairness can be summed up (perhaps a bit brusquely) in this question- Who will walk me down the aisle at my wedding?
Then I realize that it's just one of the many things that I will miss out on having lost a father....my father.... at age 22.
Esther wrote a wonderful and thought provoking piece on the topic of Loss. The first part sums up much of what I feel about his death, lending words to feeling that I have not yet been quite able to vocalize myself. (Isn't it amazing how something can capture your own deep-down-dark-and-hidden feelings, the ones that you never really share with anyone, so accurately?)
*He died of lung cancer. He was a life-long smoker. While this might in one way help me make sense of his death in a logical way (smoking=cancer=death), it does not make it any less painful.
posted by Lyss | 8:10 PM
4 Comments:
Miss Lyss,
Well we have something in common. "My father died.* *He died of lung cancer. He was a life-long smoker. While this might in one way help me make sense of his death in a logical way (smoking=cancer=death), it does not make it any less painful."
He's been gone since '92. He was my best friend. I know had he been alive all this time, my life would be a lot different because I have missed his wisdom. They say time heals all wounds, and to some degree, this is true. But you and I both know that it really never gets any easier, does it?
Esther's post rocked. Well m'dear, I wish you the best in '05. It's been nice to meet you this year!
Lyss,
I was really touched to learn that my words meant something to you, but saddened to learn this about you. Apparently, it's always too soon when something like this happens, but you're too young for this.
We all have to deal with the aging of our parents, and the limitations that we all face as we get older. When you get married, I know you'll feel your dad's presence there. It's just a gut feeling.
Again, thanks for sharing these deeply personal feelings with me, my readers and your readers. I hope that writing about it helps.
Hugs,
Esther
Thank you for the kind words.
(also nice to know that this thing does get read by someone other than me....)
I share your grief. I lost my dad when I was 21. Leukemia. Which is why I run... and run... it makes me feel alive.
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